Today's Tip – Communication skills and you, does and don'ts to help you on your way;

So you have some small ideas on where to start but could use a few actual examples to help you on your way. Sounds fair to me. Remember good communication skills help your relationships grow and bad ones make it wither to dust. Practice makes perfect, or as close as possible.

Lets start with making judgments or what is perceived as. Being judgmental is saying “I am right and you suck.” These are taken as attacks or criticism and do not help your cause. “You are wrong” is, well rude. Might be true but it will not help you with the problem you are discussing. If you change the “You” part and make it “I” and add in how you feel about it like “I am angry.” Saying someone is wrong is unhelpful and will cause an argument, however saying I am angry cant be argued since they cant tell you how you feel about something. So stick with how you feel when going over a conflict, find common ground and you will get through it. No blame placing. Now get to the idea what is the problem, “I am angry because XXX happened, what can we do to fix this.” see that word “we”. Now your in it together and no one feels attacked.

Here are some other important things to remember about communicating. Pay attention when people speak to you, face them and show you are doing so. That’s both verbal and nonverbal and makes a better connection. When they are done ask questions about what they said so they can be sure you were listening its not an AH HA moment but they notice it even if only subconsciously. Ask for information and ask when you are giving direction this keeps them from feeling inferior. Offer advice, don't just give it there is a huge difference between “You should do it this way.” Versus “What do you think of trying this?” See the difference in that? Say it out loud if you need to. Keep a sense of humor laugh and be yourself, there is no need to come up with a different persona unless you decide that's who you want to become.

Remember to practice this, its so very worth your time!

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Today's Tip – Communicating with more then just words – Body language and nonverbal cue's;

Part of having great communication skills involves picking up on nonverbal cue's. You know what I'm talking about even if you are not aware of it. Rolling your eyes when people say something stupid is an easy example for you to think about.

When sending txt messages and emails its important to be very specific in what you are writing so it cant be misinterpreted by others. Letting people read something into it that you didn’t mean is a sure way to cause problems. Part of the reason being they cant see you to use the nonverbal cue's you project to convey humor, irritation, playfulness etc. We have slightly overcome this through adding cute little :) or goofy things like ROTFLMAO or one of my favorites when I don’t want people to think I'm kidding (•͡. •͡┌П┐ none of which are appropriate for a business contact. You can run into the same problem when speaking on the phone just not as badly since there they can at least hear your tone of voice.

All of this so you will understand just what type of impact your conversations have. Your best bet is always a face to face conversation with whomever it is you need to speak with. You can see and feel what they are saying to you. You can tell when they are exaggerating or lying. You can have much more useful interactions face to face then you could ever have using the internet, Facebook, email or a phone call. I'm a huge fan of getting in the room with a person, I can do anything if I’m face to face I could sell them stock in my new moon base. If you want some land on the moon call to set up an appointment so we can talk face to face. Start watching how people act when they talk, do they cross their arms? Lean back or forward? Do they place things between you to maintain distance. Can they make eye contact? There are so many things we can pick up on. If you start to pay more attention to this you will be able to negotiate much better.

You can learn this, it can be taught. Self taught or actually taught. You already do a lot of it on an instinctual level. Doubt me? <rolls eyes> ok well your loss. :) <LMAO>

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Today's Tip – Verbal Communication – More than just opening your mouth;

*This is not so much TAC: The Art of Conversation, but understanding Verbal Communication...*

Speaking to people you don't know is difficult for most people. They become nervous and worried that they won't make a good impression. Worry less about the impression you might not make and realize that the person you are speaking to is likely just as nervous as you are talking to someone new.

Preparing for this can be somewhat done, a little preparation can make the act of starting a conversation easier on your nerves. Just like you, they are meeting someone for the very first time. Neither of you know anything about each other. No idea about hobbies or interests, no knowledge of pet peeves or odd quirks. You could have mutual friends or maybe were introduced through a mutual friend. Maybe you go to the same gym or the same coffee shop. Already you have so many things you two can talk about it's a bit less scary now isn't it. So now you're thinking that’s way to much information. N where do I start?

Here is where you start. Get some easy to remember ice breaker type questions. An ice breaker is something to help you jump-start a conversation. Once the conversation starts to move along just remember to ask questions about what the other person has said to you. This helps you to create a bond and sends the relationship with this person down the path to friendship. Here are some general questions to ask in case you are really swinging in the breeze so far as what to do.

Is your week going well?
Where do you work?
What do you do there?
Have you been working there along time?
Do you like it?
What type of music do you like?
What’s your favorite artist or band?
What are your hobbies?
Do you play any sports?
Where are you from?

To many questions? Well then just pick a few and remember to listen to the person you are speaking with, their answers this will allow you to ask follow-up questions and the conversation will just flow from there naturally without having to resort to more mundane questions. So get out there and start talking to people.

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Today's Tip – Speaking with others is simple – Open up and say it;

Speaking with others is simple – Open up and say it;

Many people are nervous about speaking in public, if you are one of them let me just say that you're all being silly. Humans are social creatures. They crave that interaction, but because of certain factors become shy and withdrawn. For more information visits, any website and once again fail to interact with others in a meaningful way. You see what I did there right?

Starting and maintaining a conversation is really not a difficult thing. The difficulty comes in when you start to let your own mind work against you. “What if they don't like me.” It will throw your whole life into the gutter... I really can picture the Uni-bomber being someone like that at some point and who wants to go through life wearing a hooded sweatshirt and out of date eye wear. Think instead “What if they do like me.” Or better yet just ignore that voice in you're head. People are people stop giving into your fears and get yourself out there. This is the first step in a long trip on learning to communicate well with others. It falls under the heading of 'practice' the more you work on it the better you become. Once you get to the point that you aren't terrified to speak to new people then you can work on the other areas of communication. Avoid stuttering and drooling on yourself is a good example. OK so the drooling part should be controllable fairly easily, but I'm certain you know exactly what I mean.

Set a goal for yourself everyday. I started with I will talk to five new people today. Moved on to I will speak with three people in every place I go. Now years later I don't have a goal. I speak with everyone and sometimes everything, for example. I have a very nice conversation with a potted plant now. So set a goal for yourself and then be sure to meet it. Become used to speaking with people so that you aren't nervous anymore this will make you more confident, and then you will be ready for the next step in your communications journey.

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Today's Tip – Take me to your leader – Basic communication skills;

Take me to your leader – Basic communication skills;

Basic communication is as simple as pointing and grunting at things. Hopefully, you are capable of a bit more than that already, but you can never be sure until you see it happen. With that in mind the next few days will be all about communicating in a positive manner with your fellow primates.

So what is communication? It is getting meaningful information across to your intended target. This can be through verbal, as in speaking, Non verbal, as in body language and written, which would include art and yes, in my case, stick figures. Verbal communication is just what it sounds like, speaking, also grunting would be included here. Non verbal covers everything from body language to mimes. Written is anything marked down in some manner such as cave drawings to blogging.

Verbal communication involves much more than just blathering away at the person you're speaking with. It involves what's referred to as active listening, or attentive listening. It all comes down to the same thing though, being able to listen more than talk. Non verbal is much more than waving your arms around to make a person stop or miming a phone call with your hands. Or for that matter, Miming in general we try to avoid that. Written is more than the words we use or the art we make it's a way to get past many of the barriers placed by verbal limits and non verbal. Without spelling grammar and punctuation thought it simply becomes so much noise. Before Martin Luther King Jr “Had a Dream.” He had a pen and paper out. Before John F. Kennedy could “ask not what your country can do for you.” He had a pen and paper out. Effective written communication in this day and age is easily one of the most important factors in your daily lives even if you aren't aware of it.

So spend the next few days here reading along as I put pen to paper and help you learn a bit about how you can improve your communication skills. I will of course add some humor in just to keep you from napping.

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Today's Tip – Best friends for life;

Best friends for life; It is all about you... but make it all about them. The more they feel you care about them and the less you talk about you, the stronger and faster the relationship will be and grow. Only talk about you when they ask you, otherwise it is about them. Don't be the “Upper” also known as the “1 Up Person”. They tell a story and you respond with “Oh yeah, me too. This one time...”. Bad tactics start with bad habits.

Listening is a big part of TAC. It is always about them so it can eventually get back to you. Your best friend is your best friend because you are there for THEM, and you listen to THEM, and you protect THEM. People who talk about themselves are look at as selfish or annoying. Though, to befriend a person you have to ignore that factor. If you want them to except you than listen to all their self exploitation without judging. It will turn around and become an open floor for you as time progresses.

The idea is to become best friends for life. It takes time and some effort of calm on your part. Don't be the person always trying to 1 up the story. If someone says something about a subject don't respond with your story that adds to their story, or takes the attention off of them and onto you. In fact, how about you stop thinking about what you are going to say while they are talking and just listen to what they are saying. It is not about YOU... well, for now at least. You want this person to like you, so give them respect enough to know you care.

Don't feel like you are on deck for the next at bat and you're just waiting for your turn to hit the ball. It is not always about you hitting the ball. It is about winning the game. This game can only be won by getting runs. Runs are brought in by having people on base. You don't want to be that one hitter who always gets home-runs while no one is on base do you? It is about being that person on base who gets brought in by the next hitter. Or staying in the game and getting to third to help fill up the bases for that big grand-slam. Bad tactics start with bad habits, break the habits by giving a little to others when it comes to your ear...

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Today's Tip – Why to say it... Confidence;

Why to say it... Confidence; You've set goals already, but know your goals and be confident in what you are looking to accomplish with this conversation. A goal gives you direction, now be confident in what you are asking for.

A goal in what you are looking for is important but so is research. Research gives you knowledge of a situation. The more knowledge you have the more confident you can be in any given situation. Because you'll forfeit that feeling of confusion. Once you've found your direction you'll now need to understand why you are doing what it is you've chosen to do. This is your future and thus you must put time into it. If you care enough it'll make sense.

Don't just go up to someone looking for a “gig”, and talk with them until it comes up in conversation. Know why you want a gig. Are you just trying to perform or is there something you want to get out of it from them and yourself? One show, are you trying to become a regular, and if so you have to plan that out. It changes Why you are saying it, and how you are saying it. What can you bring to this person, what can they bring to you? See, there is a lot going on just for a small little gig. You are not just performing once, it has to become something more.

So if you know your direction in detail you'll be able to bring that confidence into that conversation. The person you are talking with will see it in you, and feel more obligated to work with you. WHY? Because people like confident people. Ask a woman what she likes about a man... other than being funny, they like a man being confident. Same goes for a man, well other than a nice body... They like women being confident about themselves. So that goes for work situations too. Know WHY YOU ARE SAYING IT and have the information filled in your head. Know in detail.

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